Radiohead - Creep

Control

One of my favorite quotes of all time is from the movie Fight Club. The quote is:
"The things you own end up owning you." - Tyler Durden -

I've told this quote to quite a few people over the last few years and every time I do, I get an ugly look. Then they try to explain themselves, and how they don't feel that it pertains to them. That my friend’s is what we call denial! These "things you own" might not be material, but virtual. Prime examples are: Facebook, online games, and even blogs such as this one.

Now that that’s out of the way we should talk about how you can change or control these ‘things’ that own you. Some of us may not recognize the signs that these things mentioned above own us. If all of your friends and family, co-workers and millions of others are doing it, it can’t be wrong can it? Well the truth and answer is in the question itself. It can be wrong once it starts to control your life, when you’re marking every step you make, or going to it to see what someone else is up to.

I could go on for hours on this topic, but I wanted to make it short as sweet to get my point across. I hope any who read this may rethink their stance in this thing called life, and I mean the real world, not the virtual one. Don’t let Apps, Websites, Games and even Reality T.V. shows own your life. Don’t let them change your values, perspectives, beliefs and outlook on life.

- Kuya Stan

Stanley's Song

This is MY SONG! Put Stanley in place of Halie and maybe drop some of the stuff like 6 years of probation...and well thats me!

Somedays i sit, staring out the window.
Watching this world pass me by.
Sometimes i think, there's nothin to live for, i almost break down and cry.
Sometimes i think im crazy, im crazy o so crazy, why i am here am i just wastin my time?
But then i see my baby, suddenly im not crazy.
It all makes sense when i look into here eye's

Chorus.

Sometimes it feels like the worlds on my shoulder, everyones leanin' on me.
Sometimes it feels like the worlds almost over, but then she comes back to me.

Verse 2.

My baby girl, keeps getting older, i watch her grow up with pride.
People make jokes, cause they dont understand me, they just dont see my real side.
I act like shit dont phase me, inside it drives my crazy, my insecurities could eat my alive.
But then i see my baby, suddenly im not crazy.
It all makes sense when i look into here eye's

Chorus

Verse 3 (rap)

Man if i could sing i'd keep singin' this song to my daughter
If i could hit the notes i'd blow something as long as my father
to show her how i feel about her, how proud i am that got her
god im a daddy im so glad that her mom didnt *censured* (abort her)
Now you'd probely get this picture from my public persona,
that im a pistol-packing drug addict that bags on his mama,
but i wanna take this time to be perfectly honest, cause ther's alot of shit
that i keep bottled that hurts deep inside of my soul
and just know that i grow colder the older i grow,
this boulder on my shoulder gets heavy and harder to hold
and this load is like the weight of the world, and i think my neck is breaking
should i just give up, or try to live up to these expectations
now look, i love my daughter more than life in it self
but i got a wife thats determined to make my life living hell
But i handle it well, givin the circumstances im delt, so many chances
man its to bad i could of had someone else, but the years that i've wasted
is nothing to the tears that i've tasted, so here's what im facing:
three fellonies, six years of probation, i've went to jail for this woman
i've been to bat for this woman, i've taken bats to peoples backs bent over backwards for this woman
Man i should've seen it coming, why'd i stick my penis up it,
wouldn't have ripped the prenup up if i'd seen what she was fucking,
but fuck it, its over ther's no more reason to cry no more
i got my baby, baby the only lady that i adore (hailie)
so sayonara, try tomara nice to know you
my baby has travelled back to the arms of her rightful owner
and suddenly it seems like my shoulder blades have just shifted
its like the greates gift you can get, the weight has been lifted
And now it dont feel like the world's on my shoulder, everyone's leanin' on me
Cause my baby knows that her daddies a soldier, nothing can take her from

Rurouni Kenshin...Alone Again

This is by far the most beautiful song ever made. This is the song that puts me at most ease physically, but mentally has many effects.



Deeper and deeper 'Within My Mind.'

My thanks to Taku Iwasaki for this masterpiece.

Really? Rock Bottom...

I am his biggest fan. Man this guy knew some shit in some weird fucked up plane of existence that not even he knows he's on. Ever since he came out he's touched on things that I can relate to. Then to come out with the song Stan. If you knew me back in the day when he came out I was definitely a huge fan.



Ey, Yo!
This song is dedicated to all the happy people
All the happy people who have real nice lives
And who have no idea what its like to be broke as fuck

Verse One:

I feel like I'm walkin a tight rope
Without a circus net
I'm popping Percocet
I'm a nervous wreck, I deserve respect
But I work a sweat for this worthless check
Bout to burst this tech, at somebody to reverse this debt
Minimum wage got my adrenaline caged
Full of venom and rage
Especially when I'm engaged
And my daughter's down to her last diaper
That's got my ass hyper
I pray that god answers, maybe I'll ask nicer
Watching ballers while they flossing in their pathfinders
These overnight stars becoming autograph signers
We all long to blow up and leave the past behind us
Along with the small fry's and average half pinters
While playa haters turn bitch like they have vaginas
Cause we see them dollar signs and let the cash blind us
Money will brainwash you and leave your ass mindless
Snakes slither in the grass spineless

Chorus:

That's Rock Bottom
When this life makes you mad enough to kill
That's Rock Bottom
When you want something bad enough to steal
That's Rock Bottom
When you feel you have had it up to here
Cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear

That's Rock Bottom
When this life makes you mad enough to kill
That's Rock Bottom
When you want something bad enough to steal
That's Rock Bottom
When you feel you have had it up to here
Cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear

Verse Two:

My life is full of empty promises
And broken dreams
I'm hoping things will look up
But there ain't no job openings
I feel discouraged hungry and malnourished
Living in this house with no furnace, unfurnished
And I'm sick of working dead end jobs with lame pay
And I'm tired of being hired and fired the same day
But fuck it, if you know the rules to the game play
Cause when we die we know were all going the same way
It's cool to be player, but it sucks to be the fan
When all you need is bucks to be the man
Plus a luxury sedan
Too comfortable and roomy in a six
They threw me in the mix
With all these gloomy lunatics
Walk around depressed
And smoke a pound of cess a day
And yesterday went by so quick it seems like it was just today
My daughter wants to throw the ball but I'm too stressed to play
Live half my life and throw the rest away

Chorus

There's people that love me and people that hate me
But it's the evil that made me this backstabbing, deceitful, and shady
I want the money, the women, the fortune, and the fame
That means I'll end up burning in hell scorching in flames
That means I'm stealing your checkbook and forging your name
Lifetime bliss for eternal torture and pain
Right now I feel like i just hit the rock bottom
I got problems now everybody on my blocks got 'em
I'm screaming like those two cops when 2pac shot 'em
Holding two glocks, I hope your doors got new locks on 'em
My daughter's feet ain't got no shoes or socks on 'em
And them rings you wearin look like they got a few rocks on 'em
And while you flauntin them I could be taking them to shops to pawn 'em
I got a couple of rings and a brand new watch you want 'em?
Cause I never went gold off one song
I'm running up on someone's lawns with guns drawn

Chorus

...............Friday!

All hyped up to go out...Everyone fuckin bails!

Any who. I've been stuck on this song from Cold Play "See You Soon." Check it out and enjoy it like I do. It's actually motivating me to pick up a guitar and learn to play. It also has all sorts of meaning to me.

Out of my league...

So tonight at work I had some regulars bring in like 30 people for a going away party last minute. They told their co-workers that "they knew a bar with a great server that could handle a last minute party."

So this party rolls through and there's this one chick that is just 'Wow!' I mean pretty, and nice, and apparently intelligent cause she's an Engineer (It was an Engineer's party). So just to give you all a little idea of how fresh this chicky was...I mean I've only come across so many chickies in my time that I'm just 'Blown away' based on looks alone. Both are my ex gf's Sheryl and Kaleen.

So I'm doin what I do (working) and I notice she's eyeballing me. Okay fine, whatever its not phasing me. She is after all clearly out of my league right? So this chick starts being kinda bitchy and that turns me off right away. After she gets a few beers in her she mellows out and comes up tryin to talk to me. I'm busy as FUCK! so I don't have time to make that much chatter. I mean of course you talk to your customers, but time is money and I have to keep moving.

That being said she leans over to read my name tag and I tell her my name is Stan. Earlier on in the night she was waving me down to get my attention. So I tell her now that you have my name you can just yell out 'Stan' instead of waving me down. She says 'Well I was trying to get your attention.' I'm thinking to myself 'hunny you got my attention when you walked in the door, but hey.'

After about five minutes or so she comes back down to where I am (the server station / area) and asks me what time I'm getting off. I tell her around 9-10 and its now 730'ish. She says 'aww that sucks.' and kinda just stands there. About 15 minutes or so goes by and she asks again 'what time are you getting off?' I'm thinking, are you that drunk bitch? Needless to say another bit of time goes by and she asks again! Now its nearing 9. It didn't dawn on me until now that maybe she wanted me to say something. Perhaps she wanted me to ask her if she wanted to have a drink when I get off or where is she going after she leaves here.

Ugh! Rewinding a bit...I lost my pen so I had to borrow one. I always stress that I don't want a chick pen. So you know where this is going right? I don't realize that the pen I borrowed is gold and glittery. After she cashes out and I'm sure noticed the glitter I was curious if she thought if maybe I was gay. No offense to you out there who are. I'm just not and..damn!

I figured she was out of my league. I get hit on or eyeballed quite a bit at work. I know I'm not a bad looking dude, but yeah. I'm at work! As the busser Joe said 'you have a bit of a handicap cause you're at work.' Its not like I'm off chillin at the bar making small talk.

So! is a female or male in fact 'out of someones league?' Is this not giving yourself enough credit? I mean there was another chickie who was fresh checking me out all night long who was at a different table. Did I have something on my face? Or perhaps just giving off this really inviting confident vibe. I mean of course I was feeling good cause these people, my regulars brought in their engineering office knowing I'd handle my shit.

Moving along...I basically had a complex about her thinking I was gay. I was also upset that maybe I should've given her some more attention. Maybe she's not the shallow type and I came off as just chill. Now I know there's plenty of females that are fresh and most importantly smart.
Are these females having issues with men cause they're intimidated like I was? I hear about it all the time. I've even read about it in Playboy about how the girls don't get hit on by nice guys, but pricks who are over cocky. Well bleh. I had to voice that for anyone who actually reads this damn thing.

I'll end this cause I could go on all night long I'm sure on my issues and insecurities. I like to think that its not my style to be that confident. Everyone has their insecurities and 'style' on how they'd go about talking to someone. This one was practically screaming HINT HINT! and it went right over my head. Moral of the story is to give yourself some credit and be open to blatant hints.